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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  April 4, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EDT

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but jimmy fallon --
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>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- "late night with jimmy fallon." tonight's guests are -- regis philbin, rachel dratch, rossi morreale, dr. john featuring dan auerbach. and e legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody! how are you? how're you doing? [cheers and applause ] >> thank you so much for coming. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. here is the latest news from the campaign trail. today mitt romney handed out turkey subs to voters before the wisconsin primary. which explains romney's newest supporter, newt gingrich. he's excited about that. [ laughter ] speaking of the election, yesterday rick santorum guaranteed that he will win the primary in his home state of pennsylvania. and not to be outdone, ron paul guaranteed he will finish somewhere in the top ten. [ laughter ] guaranteed. you guys see this? frontier airlines announced that it will no longer serve warm chocolate chip cookies during flights. [ audience aws ] or, in other words, frontier airlines is getting rid of the one thing that could have gotten me to fly frontier airlines. why would i? -- [ laughter and applause ] budget cuts. this is interesting.
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a new study found that the u.s. is just the 11th happiest country in the world. yeah. of course, it fell to 12th happiest after hearing that it was just the 11th happiest. [ laughter ] some tv news this morning. on "the today show" sarah palin took part in a panel that discussed hot topics. not to be outdone, newt gingrich took part in a panel that discussed hot pockets. [ laughter and applause ] he just -- he loves that -- he enjoys -- >> steve: it's good. >> jimmy: very good. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: doesn't take that long to cook. >> steve: pepperoni. >> jimmy: no, it's delicious. this is sweet. last week a love letter sent to a woman in minnesota was finally delivered after 60 years. yeah. the last line was sweet. it was like, "with all my heart, i promise to wait for you for up to 59 years." [ laughter ] isn't that sweet? listen to this, next weekend is the world stacking championship in germany. yeah. [ cheers ] the winner is whoever can stack
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cups into a pyramid the fastest while the loser is anyone who enters the world stacking championship. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, police in connecticut were called to help out a customer at a sex shop after he locked himself in handcuffs. yeah, he would have just called his girlfriend but she hadn't been inflated yet. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. you guys, give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! we got a big show tonight. this guy's literally done more television than anybody else on earth. we couldn't be happier to have him back. regis philbin is here! [ cheers and applause ] i love regis philbin. he's on tour. he's going on tour. he's doing comedy, singing with joy. >> steve: god bless him. >> jimmy: he's going to come out and talk to me -- [ as philbin ]
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-- and he's going to yell at me about something. [ light laughter ] jimmy, what are you doing? he always yells at me about something. he's mad at me already. i saw him back stage, he's up set with me. >> steve: he's already yelling at you? >> jimmy: yeah, he's yelling at me back -- i don't know what he was -- he was just -- [ as philbin ] jimmy, i can't believe this. and i just -- i just slammed the door. [ laughter ] i can't wait for it out there. he goes, "i'll talk to you out there." who wouldn't talk to him. but he's a good man. we love regis philbin. one of my favorite pals from "saturday night live," she's written a book, rachel dratch is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] she's mad at me, too. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: no, she's not. she's not mad at me. also from the new nbc show "escape routes" -- i'm excited about this. is it routes or routes? what do you say? >> steve: i'd say escape "route" -- routes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen get up for the best band in late night, the routes, everybody. ♪ rossi morreale is here! [ cheers and applause ] this host of this show "escape routes." and we've got music. i mean, you can't get better than this. this is just the best right here.
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dr. john featuring dan auerbach. [ cheers and applause ] from the black keys, dr. john. can't get better. it's amazing. guys, it's time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ [ cheers and applause ] tonight we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of winning mega millions. yeah. three winning tickets -- [ scattered applause ] like you won? come on. [ light laughter ] three winning tickets were sold at last week's $656 million jackpot. but there's a downside to becoming that rich. so let's take a look at the pros and cons of winning mega millions. here we go. pro, winning the lottery is the easiest way to get rich without working. con, besides being a kardashian. [ laughter ] pro, friday's three winners each have over $100 million.
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con, or as mitt romney calls that, middle class. [ laughter ] call me when you get your first billion. pro, finally telling off your boss and quitting your job. con, showing up to work the next day after realizing you were off by four numbers. [ laughter ] pro, you can give all of your money to a charity and make a real difference in the lives of thousands. cons, screw that, daddy wants veneers. [ laughter ] >> steve: that's it? $100 million -- >> jimmy: for veneers, yeah. got weird teeth. daddy eats a lot of candy. >> steve: daddy's teeth are rotting. >> jimmy: daddy calls himself daddy. [ laughter ] weird. pro, going in on an office pool to increase your odds. con, winning and having to figure out where to bury your coworkers bodies. [ laughter ] that could be a pain. that could be a pain. and costly. pro, winning all of that money won't change you. con, because you were already an a-hole.
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there you go. [ laughter ] >> steve: but now you've got veneers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now you got good veneers. pro, quitting your job the instant you won the $656 million jackpot. con, reapplying to your job after the instant you find out that after taxes you won $153.47. [ scattered applause ] that's how they get you. pros, getting to spend this easter as a new millionaire. con, getting a note in your basket from the easter bunny that says, "buy your own candy, sucker. these peep ain't cheap." [ laughter ] and finally, pro, you posted just won the lottery on facebook. con, it got 12 likes and 3400 go to hells. there you go. that is the "pros and cons," everybody. [ applause ] oh, we got a fun show tonight. i need you guys to listen up. ♪ listen up, everybody watching the show here is the facts
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that you need to know ♪ ♪ it ain't chinese checkers or tic-tac-toe it's time for that game "ready, set, flow" ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey, that's right. it's time for "ready, set, flow." this is the game where we put two mcs on the spot and make them free style using random words, generated by rhyme wave, the word generating robot. rhyme wave, awake! [ robotic voice ] >> hello, jimmy. ♪ pump up the volume pump up the volume pump up the volume dance, dance. ♪ >> jimmy: okay, thank you, rhyme wave. now it's time to meet our contestants. please give a round of applause for tonight's mcs. [ cheers and applause ] hey, buddy good to see you. nice to see you. nice to see you. welcome to the show, guys. what is your name and where are you from? >> my name is gary. my mc name is big stat, and i'm from enfield, connecticut. >> jimmy: all right, good man big set from enfield, connecticut. [ applause ] >> jimmy: what is your name and where are you from? >> dominills, i'm from brooklyn. >> jimmy: oh!
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dominills from brooklyn, i love it. guys, thank you for playing thought. rhyme waves words are grouped into three categories. he's going to give you a person, place, and thing. you have to fill 30 seconds with the most creative flow you can. you can use the words we give you as many times as you want but remember, you must use each word at least once. our audience will decide who had the sickest flow. so let's do this. brooklyn, you want to go stand over there for a second. and we'll start with you. what is your mc name again? >> big stat. >> jimmy: big stat, very good. >> big stat. >> jimmy: like big statistic? >> yes, exactly. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: big statistic. big stat, are you ready to do this? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: rhyme wave, let's see. let's give him a person, place, and thing first. [ robotic voice ] >> calculating. >> jimmy: okay. [ robotic voice ] >> beep, boop, bop, boop. ♪ >> jimmy: all right. [ robotic voice ] >> batman, bathroom, microchip. >> jimmy: not the easiest words. batman, bathroom, microchip. okay, rhyme wave's going to count you in by saying three, two, one, flow. >> okay. >> jimmy: you ready to do this?
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>> yes, sir. >> jimmy: good. all right, let's do it up rhyme wave. [ robotic voice ] >> three, two, one, flow. ♪ ready set go this is "ready, set, flow" i'm marrying a dime she ain't no heavy set ho ♪ ♪ and just so you know exactly what my status be ayo batman used to do a track with me ♪ ♪ i give 'em black eyes like a racoon, drop my microchips and i find 'em ♪ ♪ in the bathroom regis loving this flow that's like questlove cutting his fro ♪ ♪ yeah yeah this ain't a challenge i'm the truth this is big stat ♪ ♪ live on jimmy fallon with the roots ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about, buddy! mc stat. that was good, buddy. that was great. thank you so much. mc stat. rhyme wave. that was good. [cheers and applause ] rhyme wave, how did mc stat do, my friend? [ robotic voice ] >> jimmy: all right, thank you right there. all right. go on over there. ♪ very good. you guys, let's -- do you have
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an mc name? >> yes, dominills >> jimmy: dominills is your mc name? all right. >> jimmy: like, dominills, like dollar bills. >> like doma-nills. it rhymes with dollar bills though. doma-domanills, y'all. >> jimmy: yes. yes. doma domanills y'all. >> exactly. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that did not count as a rhyme already. yeah, you got an advantage. rhyme wave, let's give domanills a person, place, and thing. [ robotic voice ] >> calculating. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ] [ robotic voice ] >> george clooney, retirement home, bee hive. >> jimmy: tough, right here. this is domanills, this is tough right here. okay, you have george clooney, retirement home, and beehive. you have to use these words in your rhyme. okay, rhyme wave, let's get started. [ robotic voice ] >> three, two, one, flow. ♪ yo, yo i be coming through with the goonies killing high on my petunie ♪ ♪ killing like --
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with george clooney 12 send you right to hell fill it with the elves on christmas ♪ ♪ send santa to a retirement home go to hip-hop like i am home ♪ ♪ i am on the throne yeah, yeah, she nice she like killing in the beehive, getting honey ♪ ♪ dominill say yeah and mommy with the gummies and i don't really give a dang, dang ♪ ♪ yeah it's lovely yeah, they call me dominill straight from bk see me round the way ♪ >> jimmy: oh, come on! [ cheers and applause ] that's what i'm talking about right there. rhyme wave, how do you think he did there? [ robotic voice ] >> bananas. >> jimmy: bananas? all right, very good. it is time to pick a winner. come on over buddy. the audience is going to decide who won. was it -- [ drumroll ] -- big stat? [ cheers and applause ] or was it dominill? [ cheers and applause ] we have a winner, it is big stat, right there. congratulations, my friend. [cheers and applause ] >> i knew domanill before we were on tour together. >> jimmy: what's that? oh, is that -- you know domanills? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, good. you guys knew eachother.
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well, then you have to come back. in like, the rhyme circus. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, this is exciting. we might have to come back for a duet rapper. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: but as our winner tonight you get this castcam, pocket studio digital recorder, so you can release your own records from home. [ applause ] and since nobody goes home empty handed here at "late night," our second place mc will receive this beautiful "late night" t-shirt as well as this lovely pen and pad. get to writing, you guys. thanks to these guys for playing. we'll be right back with regis philbin! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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escape routes is a competitive reality show. we're going to six cities. we're going to be doing all sorts of challenges. where you get to follow us online. you're actually part of the show. it's interactive. we need your help to win. you can even win your own ford escape. i want a ford escape. i want a ford escape. winning is in our blood. it pumps through us. brett has been working out with a trainer. ross has been working out with a therapist. (singing) i can't stoooo-ooop. laugh with us, win with us.
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join our team. we need your help. winners this is the winning team. go hard or go home. if we win, you win. saturday nights. on nbc. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a television institution and the author of the best-selling memoir, "how i got this way." you can also see him perform live may 6th at the bergen performing arts center in englewood, new jersey. ladies and gentlemen, please
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welcome the one, the only, regis philbin! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: we want you back. >> am i crazy trying to follow big stat? i mean, come on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't normally follow big stat on the road. >> big stat or dominills. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: exactly. how great was that? >> there's a lot of singing on this show. >> jimmy: yeah, there is a lot. >> and you said i was mad at you. i'm not mad at you. who could be mad at jimmy fallon, one of the nicest guys in the world? but -- [ cheers and applause ] he really is. but his staff gets on my nerves. [ laughter ] this guy called me up and said, "regis, we want you to sing." and i thought, well, that's nice. yeah, i like to sing. sure. what do you want me to sing? he said, a song that jimmy wrote -- "my weenie." [ laughter ]
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i said i think jimmy -- if it's his weenie, should sing it. [ laughter ] should sing it on his show. >> jimmy: no, but it's this funny bit. i knew you would have fun with it. >> no, jimmy. no. >> jimmy: it's a song about -- >> i don't want to sing about my weenie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know, but it's about these weenie dolls that used to exist in the '30s. >> oh, please. >> jimmy: so this is about you playing with your weenie. [ laughter ] >> big stat, we need you now. [ laughter ] i wanted to see you. i've never seen you perform live. i mean, i've seen you perform live, but just interviewing me. but what do you do on your show? >> you mean on my -- >> jimmy: with you and joy, yeah. >> well, i sing a song. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have a great song for you. [ laughter ] >> no! >> jimmy: come on, it's good! >> i can't! i won't do it! >> jimmy: you can borrow him for a little bit. >> oh, no. no! [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a great -- i've got the first couple lines here.
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i'll do it. i'll sing it. you don't have to sing it. >> oh, please. >> jimmy: regis, you don't have to sing it. >> how old are you? are you 12 years old? what's wrong with you? >> jimmy: "my ding-a-ling." do you remember those -- that was a song about -- chuck berry. do you remember those novelty -- >> are you going to sing this -- no, i would never sing it if you don't want me to. >> no, no, no. i want to hear it. >> jimmy: you tell me if you think it's funny. [ harmonizing ] like that. [ harmonizing ] that note. i'm going to do it as you would sing it. >> oh, yeah, okay. fine. [ singing as philbin ] ♪ when i was younger i'd sit with my weenie ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ i'd play with my weenie all day ♪ ♪ when no one could see me i'd whip out my weenie and squeeze all my troubles away ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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it's sweet. >> oh, god, no, it's not a sweet song. >> jimmy: it's a sweet song. >> but you sound good. two more. [ singing as philbin ] ♪ all alone in my room from morning till noon i played with my weenie for hours ♪ [ laughter ] >> no! no! >> jimmy: okay, i'm not gonna do it. wait, wait. stop, stop, beating your weenie, please. this is the line they love. it goes -- ♪ it wasn't too teeny just your average sized weenie ♪ [ laughter ] >> here comes the worst. >> jimmy: i'll stop right there. but anyways, do you want to come back, and do you really want to think it over? hey, i want to talk to you about -- you've got a lot going down. you're on the road with joy. you have "hot in cleveland,"
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you're going to guest star. >> yes, well, you know betty white. we all know her for years now. >> jimmy: oh, i love betty white. [ cheers and applause ] i beat betty white at a game of beer pong. >> how could you do that? she was a 90-year-old woman. why do you beat betty white on television >> jimmy: you come into my home and threaten me. >> throw the game. let betty win. >> jimmy: i don't do that. i don't throw anything. >> i know. you're a gutsy guy. but, listen, jimmy, here's who i play. i play a guy who is a hairdresser and who has -- she's been to his salon for years and then suddenly the -- and she thinks he's gay. and so -- >> jimmy: you play this guy? >> yeah. and so suddenly the salon closes down, bankrupt, couldn't make it. but she loves the way he does her hair, and so she wants him to come to her home and do her hair once a week. so, she finds out he's not gay once he gets into the house,
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see. so this means i'm going to have a hot scene with betty white. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. this is too much for tv. >> now, i just want to get your advice. i thought, you know, i've known her for 40 years. she's a great gal. >> jimmy: i love betty white. >> i just wonder if you think the kiss that i'm going to deliver to her, should it be -- should it be an open mouth -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, come on. what are you talking about? stop that. absolutely not. >> jimmy: can you tell me the story to them because i love this story. when you used to work with joey bishop. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you had a bit on the show where you went and interviewed people in the audience. >> yeah, once in a while he would say, "i want you to go into the audience and interview, and i want it to be one of the young people in the audience. and see how they feel about the country and america and what they want to do in their lives and all of that." so i said, "fine." so i get the mic, and i walk into the audience and -- let's see. i'm looking around, and i decide this young guy -- he had glasses
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on, and he had a little bit of a beard, but i thought, well, fine, why don't we get him? and he stands up very nicely. and, i want to tell you something, jimmy. i was never, never confident about what i wanted to do with my career or my life as a young guy. i mean, i was page down the hall here for a long time, and never thought i would ever have the talent or the ability to get in front of a camera and say anything to it. it was very sad. so anyway, i said to this young guy, "hi, how you doing? well, you heard what joey said. he wants to know, what are you going to do with your life? do you know now what you want to be? and i could see in his eyes, he knew what it was, but he couldn't tell me. he just couldn't get it out. and i said to myself, my god, this is me just a few years ago, you know? and so i said to him, "just take your time, and we'd just like to know what your dream is." and he couldn't tell me. and so, eventually, i had to say good-bye and good luck and i moved on.
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so 35 years go by. it was just a few years ago, i guess, that i went to see a movie here in new york with the opening of a movie. and after the show, peggy siegal, who is quite a character around town -- >> jimmy: oh, i love peggy. >> yeah, she said, "come with me. i want you to meet somebody." so, she takes me to a group of about five people, and one of them is the guy she wants me to meet. and i waited, and they were still talking to them, and i didn't want to make a scene, so i said, "let me go. i'll just go, and maybe i'll catch up to them later." so i walked away and i heard this voice say, "regis, don't leave. i want to tell you something." so i waited a few more minutes, and he came over. and he said, "you know, years ago on 'the joey bishop show,' you came into the audience and you chose me to get up and tell the world what i wanted to do with my life, and i couldn't tell you." and i said, "you want to know something? i remember it well because that was me at your age, unable to
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tell people what it is i wanted to do, for fear they might laugh or think it's ridiculous." he said, "yeah, yeah, i know." he said, "but every time i see you on tv now, i get that kick in my stomach that says, why didn't i say it?" and that fella's name, steven spielberg. [ audience ohs ] how you like that? >> jimmy: that's an amazing story. i love that story. that is unbelievable. [ applause ] >> yeah, it is. it's in the book. >> jimmy: you guys, read about this story and more in his book. more with our pal regis philbin when we get back. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ man ] gillette wanted to see
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: ladies and gentlemen, we present to you two brains working as one. the first brain providing the
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answer, the second brain revealing the question. it's time for a "brainstorm." [ thunder ] [ cheers and applause ] >> a bottle of red, a bottle of white. >> jimmy: what did kathie lee and hoda have for breakfast this morning? [ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ applause ] >> million man march. >> jimmy: describe the line for snooki's paternity test. [ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ applause ] >> i'll just have a salad. >> jimmy: what did newt gingrich say on april fools' day?
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[ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ applause ] >> "titanic 3-d." >> jimmy: what size is sophia vegara's bra? [ thunder ] [ applause ] >> four more years. >> jimmy: how much longer 'til justin bieber hits puberty? [ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ applause ] >> gas prices and snoop dogg. >> jimmy: what are two things that are super high right now? [ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ applause ]
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>> it looks harder than it is. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: you should have just sang "my weenie," you know. [ laughter ] what was my pick-up line in college? i don't even know what that means. [ thunder ] >> when does regis get a laugh? [ laughter ] oh, wait, i was only kidding. i was only kidding. i'm sexy and i know it. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: what does regis philbin say when he looks in the mirror? [ thunder ] [ applause ] >> steve: this has been "brainstorm." we'll be right back with rachel dratch! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sweet, nutty crunchy nut... can't wait 'til morning.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i had a blast with our next guest for many, many years on "saturday night live." she's written a great new book, "girl walks into a bar," which is in stores right now. give it up for our good pal, rachel dratch! ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's my girl. you look gorgeous, rachel dratch. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: oh, my god, you're an author. look at this. look at this book right here. you're an author. you're in the library of congress. [ cheers and applause ] last time i saw you was at the writer's awards. >> yes. i was hosting and jimmy helped me out. i was playing the cello and jimmy came and sang as jim morrison. we sang to the tune of "riders on the storm." we sang "writer's guild awards." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it was good. it was a fun night. >> yeah, it was fun. i was embarrassed, though, because i've seen jimmy host "snl," and he did such a good job. and i felt like i hadn't seen him since, so i wanted to tell you, "oh, my god, jimmy, i don't know if i saw you since you hosted. but you were so good." and he goes, "yeah, you were on the show with me." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were the first
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guest with me. you came back and helped me out. you were so frazzled at the awards. like, okay, we'll change that line. we'll do this line. you go, "it's so great to see you. you were great on 'saturday night live.'" i go, "yeah, you were with me." what are you talking about? >> that was embarrassing. anyway -- >> jimmy: so, look at this. this is insane. are you psyched about this? this is amazing. what made you want to write a book? >> well, actually, it was kind of -- you know, the acting thing was kind of slowing down. i had a lot of time on my hands, and i was, you know, watching a lot of oprah and judge mathis and stuff. and then i was, like -- judge mathis, i was into him. and then i was, like, there's, you know, i've got to do something creative. i can't just sit here waiting for the phone to ring. so if something funny would happen, or whatever, i would start writing these little stories. and then they kind of sat around for a while, and then i had a crazy life plot twist that provided a book plot twist as well. >> jimmy: well, we can say. you are now a mom. >> i had a baby. a surprise baby. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: yay!
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little eli. little eli. >> little eli, yes. at an advanced maternal age. so, anyway -- it's all in the book. i don't need to discuss it now. >> jimmy: well, there's a lot of great stories in here about "saturday night live" and stuff like that. >> "saturday night live," yeah. >> jimmy: i'm not in it as much as i thought i'd be. >> you're not? really? [ laughter ] no jimmy fallon. >> i'm horrified. i don't remember that sentence, but -- [ laughter ] [ impersonates sad tuba ] >> jimmy: come on. speaking of that. come on, "debbie downer." >> "debbie downer." oh, my god. >> jimmy: pal, that's the thing. [ cheers and applause ] she talks -- you talk about it in the book. it's great 'cause i'd never known -- you and paula pell wrote the sketch. and i had never knew who it was about. >> you know, i was just on a vacation -- actually, this origin is i was on vacation, and i was at this sort of communal table in the jungles of costa rica, if they have jungles. the rainforest. and people were kind of just, like, chit-chatting. this might bring the room down, but anyway -- >> jimmy: you were on vacation, having a good time. >> vacation, and i'm, like, "oh, where are you from?" and i was, like, "oh, i'm from new york city." and someone was like, "were you there for 9/11?" and then it was, like -- [ impersonates sad tuba ]
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>> jimmy: damen, damen, damen. where are you, buddy? come on. [ sad tuba ] there you go, buddy, yeah. >> so i kind of screeched everything to a halt, as i may risk doing right now. and then, you know, then that stuck in my mind, and then paula and i wrote up "debbie downer." >> jimmy: 'cause "debbie downer" was this -- yeah. how many have you done? how many did you do? >> i don't know, but the first one was a crack-up. i don't know, but 'cause i was saying the thing that was so funny was looking at jimmy, like, wiping -- we were both just trying to keep it together. >> jimmy: i was honestly -- 'cause that was the one thing where i was, like, i'm not gonna to break this one. i was horatio's artist in crime. we're at disneyland in the sketch, and debbie downer's at disneyland. and we're having mickey mouse waffles. and you were upset about mad cow disease. >> yes, yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and horatio was wiping his tears 'cause he was laughing so hard with these mickey mouse waffles, and i was, like, trying not to laugh. and then you had one line left. >> i had, "it's official. i can't have children." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why would you say that
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at disneyland? we were all just sitting there and you couldn't get it out. >> and jimmy and i were in this, like, face together. that was one of my favorite moments. >> jimmy: you always wanted to be on "saturday night live." >> yes, and i watched it, you know, first season, gilda radner, john belushi -- i watched it when i was in, whatever, third grade or something. [ applause ] and i would always make my friends stay up. you know, they were sleeping over. i always made them watch. i was so into "snl" that, i think -- >> jimmy: we have a picture of you and your brother. this is you and dan dratch for halloween. he's the unknown comic. you're a conehead. >> i was a conehead. [ laughter ] and the funny this is, too -- okay, first of all, i made my own costume, as you can tell, with a paper bag cone. for some reason, i put white powder on my face. i don't know what that was about. the funny thing is, this sign, actually, in case you don't know what i am, it says, "i am a conehead." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's an awful costume if you have to have a sign telling what you are. "i'm a disney princess." >> yeah. >> jimmy: but also in here, you talk about your dating life, and, man, oh, man, we always talked about work stuff and fun stuff, but i never got -- >> well, you know, when i was on
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"snl," i wasn't really dating 'cause, you know, there's no time. i told myself, and that was a good excuse. but then, yeah, when everything kind of died down afterwards, i was, like, okay, i should really try to go on some dates. those are in the book, too. but there's one story in here i was reading about a guy you were dating, and the conversation got real weird. >> well, yeah, i know. it wasn't a guy i was dating. it was this guy i was kind of excited to go on a date with. and then he started talking about -- he was talking about how he was traveling in japan a lot. he was talking about horse meat, one of the best things that he's ever eaten. he kept going on and on about horse meat. yeah, >> jimmy: horse meat. and that's not as bad -- >> that's not all. then he asked if i ever had the desire to taste human flesh. [ laughter ] [ sad tuba ] >> jimmy: there you go right there. that's perfect, yeah. hey, "dexter." it's my boyfriend, "dexter," mom and dad. hey, how's it going? gosh, i don't even know if "dexter" eats human flesh. either way, you guys, "girl walks into a bar" is in stores everywhere. right now, get it on the kindle. get the audiobook. we love her so much. rachel dratch, everybody!
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we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ escape routes is a competitive reality show. we're going to six cities. we're going to be doing all sorts of challenges. where you get to follow us online. you're actually part of the show. it's interactive. we need your help to win. you can even win your own ford escape. i want a ford escape. i want a ford escape. winning is in our blood. it pumps through us. brett has been working out with a trainer. ross has been working out with a therapist. (singing) i can't stoooo-ooop. laugh with us, win with us. join our team. we need your help. winners this is the winning team. go hard or go home. if we win, you win. saturday nights. on nbc.
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[ female announcer ] irresistibly touchable skin hour after hour. ♪ it all starts with new 48-hour nivea extended moisture nivea. touch and be touched. now bring the world a touch closer. join our million moments of touch movement and be entered in nivea's daily date night sweepstakes.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest tonight hosts a brand-new reality show on nbc. it's called "escape routes." or "escape routes." either way it's on saturday nights at 8:00 p.m. here to tell us all about it,
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please welcome rossi morreale! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] rossi morreale, how are you doing? >> i'm doing great, jimmy. how are you? >> jimmy: morreale. >> morreale. >> jimmy: now morreale, you're from arkansas, correct? >> right, obviously. >> jimmy: but you are. i mean, that's not a traditional southern name is it? morreale. >> well, actually, jimmy, it's rossario nicholas morreale the third. and it's actually third to billy bob, johnny sue, and bubba. >> jimmy: is that -- >> yeah, it's actually a very popular arkansas name. >> jimmy: yeah. but from all the way from arkansas, you end up going to l.a. and then -- is it you or -- you were a football player for a while, right? >> yeah, i played for the razorbacks. arkansas razorbacks. any arkansas fans now? [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: sure. they'll be nice to you. they'll be nice to you. we love the razorbacks. but -- how do you end up going from playing football to hosting the show? >> oh, vacation. i went out on vacation from
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arkansas and stumbled into the tv world. i thought, oh, talking in front of people and hosting, i can do this. >> jimmy: you want to do that, yeah. >> so ten years later, here i am. i literally put myself on tape for a show called "junkyard wars" when no one was looking and i hand the tape back to the cast directors was like "everyone's on it." and i booked the show. >> jimmy: that's great. >> that was in 2002. >> jimmy: no, way. >> so, yeah. >> jimmy: now you have -- is it "escape routes" or "escape route"? >> it's "escape routes." it's "escape routes." >> jimmy: okay, yeah. yeah. >> roots, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: no, no -- >> i'm sorry guys. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: there goes your endorsement deal. >> i apologize. >> jimmy: now, tell everyone what this show is about. [ laughter ] >> right. >> jimmy: yeah. >> "escape routes" is -- it's a reality competition show. >> jimmy: yeah. >> where the six teams, we're going to six cities. they're going all around the united states and they're in a competition for $100,000 and two brand-new 2013 ford escapes. but the best part of this show is there's an interactive part where, literally, you can go online to escaperoutes.com and you can follow the teams. you can follow them all week long. and then the show will air on saturday. and so, like, any time you've been watching a reality show, and you're like, "liar!
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that was fake! that's not true." you can tweet these people, and you can ask them, and they'll answer. and then after the show they'll have a -- there is an online, kind of, live interview. >> jimmy: but it's saturday at 8:00. that can't be -- they're live driving in these ford escapes? >> throughout the week you can get online. >> jimmy: is there cameras? >> yeah, there's cameras. it's all live streaming. >> jimmy: so it's like "amazing race" but it's not? >> it's not an actual race. >> jimmy: it's all in the car? >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: do they ever get out of the car? >> they do get out of the car. they only use the cars -- >> jimmy: are they trying to escape from the car? >> they are not trying to escape from the car. >> jimmy: that's david blaine's new show. it's pretty good by the way. >> i'm actually not sure what they're trying to escape from, to be honest. >> jimmy: yeah. they're escaping -- they have a goal? >> their goal is to get as many followers and as many points as they can throughout the competition in each city. and they use the cars when they are in the city. they are not driving from, like, l.a. to new york to atlanta. >> jimmy: right. they use the cars to get to one game to another game. and people online can help you out. >> yes. >> jimmy: like, people can go "hey, i got to find a waffle house." and you go "oh, there's one in times square?" >> literally yesterday -- >> jimmy: but i could lie to them and say there's one -- why isn't there a waffle house
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in times square? >> yeah, you could lie to them. you could be on another team and tell one team to go the wrong direction. >> jimmy: but i wouldn't want to lie. i want to help. i'm a very honest guy. >> maybe you're trying to help the other team though. and you like them better. so you're being nice to them -- >> jimmy: how many teams have we got playing? >> six teams. six teams of two. >> jimmy: six teams of two. so, 12 peeps. >> 12 people. crazy, fun, wild people. >> jimmy: yeah, they're always lunatics on these shows. >> yeah, they're -- they're insane. i don't even know where they come from but they're amazing. they're a good time. >> jimmy: i want to show a clip from the show "escape routes." check this out, guys. >> red you. >> you're wrong. >> fighter pilot for a day? >> rolling left. >> i want to get you. >> looking behind you. >> gotta push forward. >> shoot. >> she got you. >> this is the greatest city in the world. you find the location, you take the picture. you ready to do this? >> yes! >> all right, go! >> jimmy: oh, my god. that's what i'm talking about right there. [ cheers and applause ] and al roker as a cameo? come on. >> yeah, i mean -- >> jimmy: i've got to watch that. >> it's for ratings -- >> jimmy: that wasn't you. >> just for ratings. >> jimmy: rossi morreale, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "escape routes" on nbc, saturday
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nights, 8:00 p.m.! dr. john featuring dan auerbach perform next! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a legendary performer whose new album "lockdown" was released today. it was produced by dan auerbach from the black keys. who is also here to lend a hand with the performance of the song "revolution." please welcome back to the show dr. john! [cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ ♪ blind eyes of justice deaf ears of power dumb moves of money left us in a desperate hour ♪ ♪ economy conning me out of my sanity rebellious revolution ♪ is this the final solution ♪ ♪ ♪ hands in surrender killed in they tracks
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babies, women raped ♪ ♪ leaders on they backs religious delusions stone confusion rebellious revolution ♪ ♪ is this the final solution the proof of man's insanity the truth of war's inhumanity ♪ ♪ let's just all pray on it right now ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ guerilla warfare lady liberty propaganda hypocrisy ♪ ♪ did we lose our constitution rebellious revolution ♪ ♪ is this the final solution rebellious revolution is this the final solution ♪

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